New Mom Identity Crisis: How to Deal!

The New Mom Identity Crisis

Ok…this is a tough subject for me to talk about, but it is soooo important, especially for any brand new mamas out there. There is definitely a new mom identity crisis that happens after we birth.

Before I had my daughter, I was incredibly driven in my career. My husband and I had a great group of friends, and we loved to have fun. Unfortunately, this changed after our little bundle of joy entered the picture.

Things changed for both of us. We went from being completely obsessed with ourselves and each other to devoting every ounce of energy we had to this tiny human. It can get pretty exhausting.

Maternity Leave Burnout

It all started with maternity leave. That is when the first signs of the new mom identity crisis started creeping in for me. You see, I had this job that I was incredibly passionate about and a career that I wanted to grow in.

For 3 whole months, I was stuck at home, and severe postpartum anxiety kept me from leaving the house for days at a time. I no longer got to interact with other humans except for my immediate family. My life was completely devoted to learning how to become a mom. And, let’s face it; it’s not an easy transition.

Learning to breastfeed, pump, and clean an insane amount of bottles. Listening to your babies cries and cues to determine their needs. Bonding with your baby. Scheduling, feeding, burping, changing diapers. These are all the things that we have on our brains in those early days of motherhood.

It takes time.

I started to find pieces of myself once I went back to work, but I still found myself letting my obsession with my daughter interfere with my career. I would try to finish my work as quickly as possible so that I would not be late picking her up from daycare.

I felt guilty about leaving her in the care of others so that I could pursue my own dreams, and I know that impacted the quality of work that I was able to do. I’m constantly torn between the dreams for myself and the idea of being able to spend more time with my family.

I don’t think there is any magical timeframe for self-discovery after you have a baby. Just remember, you are growing just as much as your tiny human. Don’t get lost in the new mom identity crisis. You will get yourself back, in time.

It’s hard to remember that when you are caught up in the daily grind. Some days, it would literally feel like I was just going through the motions. Like, there was nothing else to me besides being a mom.

Fast-forward 2 years…

I have a job that I absolutely love. I seriously get to work with some of the most wonderful people on the planet. Somehow I have managed to build this community of support for new mothers that struggled in the same way that I have.

I am a maternal mental health advocate, and my passion for helping new mamas is unmatched. My “side hustle” is actually starting to become a legitimate business. This is truly my purpose in life.

However, none of this happened overnight. It took 2 solid years for me to get myself back, and I still have a lot of work to do.

None of this would have been possible immediately after the birth of my daughter. It just takes time. If you are a new mama struggling to find your way, give yourself a little grace.

Give yourself opportunities to find your passion and purpose. It will make you a better mama in the long run. I promise.